Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Life never been smooth sailing all along, just gald that rite now, rite at this moment, the series of events has passed and happy episode is on. The next few weeks gonna be very rush and stressful. Having some fun in between to keep it on the go. But in abt 1 week time, I have to let go of everything and just concentrate on my exams, hope durin this period U stay happy all the while? Nothin beats than to see that smile and the happy mood all day long :)
Lookin over the past few months, changes all around. Same for me, though still childish at times, but more independent? Thinkin of that night, the nite that wasnt to happen but I made it so, creatin so much nonsense. Really childish of me to resort to that to make myself forget everythin. Why bother to have a partner at this age of mine now? Isnt it good to enjoy all my freedom of choices and do watever I please?! yeah...that's my way of life now. Even if I have no true love, I have all the care and concern in the world from my family and frenz..even better! :p
What am I rubbishin abt? -_-" Dun understand myself.....Is this really me??? Ha!
idiot *
9:22 AM
0 braindead
Friday, August 26, 2005
Projects passing, exams following...
That's the life of students.
Isnt it so? :)
One more month plus to go. How I wish for time to fly by faster? But then and again mayb not? Cause I do not feel prepared at all!!! heh heh. Yet I yearn for the holidays to be here right at this moment...
Cant help but feelin down on the way home. The phrase "seems so close yet so far" can be used to describe us? Feels so distance still, cant helped but think what really happened between us? What was it that led to the sudden change? Just a term break and the ice wall built upon itself and didnt melt away. Whatever that we shared seems to have disappeared along leaving behind only memories?
Realised I am quite alone I suppose. Circle of friends revolved. Grew bigger, yes. But someone to talk everythin under the sun, I guess might only left with one. I am not happy in school. Not always to be exact. Feel out of place, dont have sense of belonging...*depressed*
idiot *
2:09 PM
0 braindead
Sunday, August 21, 2005
How many views are there? Why is it so that I feel so indifferent about things now? Feels so different at times. Feels sad about it, really. Its like split personality if I have to find a word to describe the feelin I am experiencing. So distance from everythin regardless of what is it. Feels like I am always left out in lots of things but who am I to blame with the hack-care attitude of mine in the first place. Where is my true self? Where is who I considered to have real friendships and the sharing of all joy and emotional happening around me...
So lost at times like these. Even my best confinement seems to have distance from me. Hardly do we meet or talk anymore. Mayb its my fault that I always seems to have no time. But really I am stuffed with school work..but clearing them all! Even having my phone again I wonder should I be glad? Cause it doesnt says "YoU haVe MessAge" anyway. Can leave it there the whOle day and it wont vibrate a little at all. The one I wish to come and disturb me is no longer doin do, phone is dead. How I wish for days to go by soon. Get me my time off. I want a break and do the things I wan to get myself up and kickin once more. I wish the happenings at work, the greeting to the customers, the serving of food and most, the fun I have at work...
idiot *
3:52 PM
0 braindead
Friday, August 19, 2005
Lost my oLd but got a new. Cant say the feelin is the same but at least I tot, at least, I manage to have back a same one. Hopefully there wiLL be no problems with it? Cause is a second hand. What more can I complain about it? Life at its current stage is tiring, just settle one project with 4 more presentations and 2 more to complete. Hopefully to get it done by this weekend so I can make myself free on Sunday cUx I really wan to go for the OC. Tired as I might be, but I am still happy with every sense of satisfaction seein the projects makin progress and the completion of it. Wonderful isnt it? haha..I am lamin again! Somehow I feel a little weird, seemed a little distance from you. Why is this so? Have I done something wrong or are you facing lots of stress? Feels sad that the disturing has quitened down. Mayb I guess you are currently busy out there while I too am busy over here. But rest assure, cause once break is here, things are goin to get noisy...haha... am I right? :)With me around, when was there ever peace?!
idiot *
1:02 PM
0 braindead
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
OmG!!! Save me man. Seriously need to catch some real sleep not I might just be fallin sick again once more without enough rest. School is gettin tough with all the projects deadlne comin up and exams around the corner again. Its stressful but wat other choice do we have still? I suppose the numbers of hours of sleep I manage to get can use fingers to count le bah? Ai yo...saVe me!!! Everyday in school startin to lack the concentration le cuz jux too tired to even listen...God let get over and done with it shaLL we?Daddy got a spare phone. But yet to get a phone for me, currently using the spare phone lox. Hope to get one soon. Goin to make police report tml, noe is a little late lah, but better than none rite? For once tat day I really felt daddy love for me in a way or two which i wont say lah. Dunnot how to describe anyway. Kinda happy and it made me felt a little better despite losing my phone. Oh yAhX!!! Jean Jean, dA jIe tOu!!! thank you worx...I love the new layout!! heex!!!BAck to ProJecTs onCe more...haiz...
idiot *
1:49 PM
0 braindead
Monday, August 15, 2005
ThoughT that it would be a great day at the beach today.. Its was actually even with the rain that was drizzling on us. Went to the ususal place with alan, dan and nyoman. Everything was so fine and fun till i found out that my phone is not with me..Guess that if i havnt wanted to grab a bite i wont have realise its gone! There i was, one moment enjoyin the sun and water & the next was to realise a F**king bastard stolen away my phone causing me hell.. Pardon me for the crudeness but i cant help it...
To the F#@!* bastard:
Do u realise what you are doin is so low down,
So immoral, so hell of a asshole
Incorrigible, a horrid...I really dunno what else to use.
For what you are doin, may be a pleasure to you,
A source of income for all I care, but for others, do you realise how it feels?
Please grow up and be considerate.
Cause you nv noe how much a certain possession may mean to that person.
If it happens to you, how would you feel?
Please put yourself in other people shoes and use your bloody damn brain to think first!
Thanks alot arh..For all the trouble you caused! Came home and got the worse of everythin..the ususal you can also call it. All the scoldings and sayin, they dun realise that my mood was already bad enough, bad enough that i lost my phone, i still have to take in all the harsh words. Its not like I wanted it to happen, I cant predict can I? Anyway i kinda broke down, I cried out and I couldnt hold back my words also. Hearing me said finish they quieten down. My dad accompanied me to get a new sim card but havnt got a phone. I miss my 6230...how I wish it is here...how i wish to get it back...
idiot *
1:06 PM
0 braindead
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Past two days has never been happier for me :) Let's see...
Monday, long day at school--yes! but nite was fun! Haha. Went over to BG cuz didnt feel like being home mayb of the festive feelin in me bah. Anyway reason for goin over was jux to go over to the OC to help with the clearin. It's over at holland only lox. But after i followed them back to the Central kitchen over at Bedok. Renna came over as well at holland. After the unloading have been done, together with the 3 peguiNs, went over to Dan's house. Haha...jux sat there drink n hear them tok n do stupid acts. Went home abt 3.
It's National Day yet have to do project. Wat a drag lox. But no choice right? :) But the festive season is still in the air...after its done went over to cityhall to join in the crowd with the penguinZ. Though I aint a crowd person, once in a while is fine. heex... The train ride was quite horrible! ppLe crowding into the trains...no space for movements...worse is the air being polluted by..B.O!!! STINKS!!!
The fireworks were great. No words to describe the beauty of it and the joy of sharin it together with great companies was even better! Seein the vast nite sky lited up with so much shine and beauty was so perfect, fallin of the sparkles like millions of falling stars...everything was so perfect. aRh...can it repeat somemore? haha...i seemed to have grown attached. Attached to the penguinz...it doesnt matter tat i cant really join in everythin but jux seein them makes me smile. :) I like the feelin of it. Its great...certainly so...
First time blood donation. Really was gald i didnt see when the nurse inserted the B.I.G needle into my arm. If not I tink I would really have been scared out of my wits. Its kind of a good experience and at least I noe i am able to donate blood. But have to have more rest after that. Really felt weak after, my right arm felt limpless...haha. Got nagging from my mum cuz I am already so lack of blood on normal basis and yet I go ahead and did it. OpPs..:) I will continue to donate blood anyway..haha...
idiot *
9:32 AM
0 braindead
Monday, August 08, 2005
Thinking of the past few months, truly i have never been happier. So many memories i have gathered in just such a short period of time. If i were to recall all, the list might be endless. :)Just name some in general? *catchin good movies*having meals *goin for sun-tan*crappin and be crazy*shoppin*walkin into glass windows and nearly mirrors*trippin down*chillin out*havin great laughter and smiles*doin the usuals-- cheeseburgers and fries*callin each others by the names givenJust so much isnt it? too much to go into details too. Ha. But i noe these activities will relive anyway. Mayb a little different? But then, whats much differences will there be? I'll always the little me and always have the same oLd behaviour to lighten out everythin at the end of the day. Isnt it so? :)Life goin to have to adjust by itself a little as of today. Stoppin work for now till my holidays are here again. 2 months. Wonder how will i survive through it? But i have to make it through anyway. Will miss everything happening at work and my company there. God Bless Blue Ginger :) . Had a great time at work today. Made the best out of it. For the first time since i enter like 4 months ago, did pantry. The job isnt that bad after all. But still like being the runner and server. haha....Oh yah...Singapore Bdae tml isnt it? Happy 40th Birthday, Singapore... :)
idiot *
3:00 PM
0 braindead
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Nothin is ever constant i suppose. its dynamic. For me, i guess i have no choice but to agree with the fact and learn to move on. Yesterday was happy for me. If u ever read tis, i was glad but were you really happy? One thing for sure i realise it felt a little different or mayb i was over sensitive? I dunno. I do hope u were happy cuz i am. Though I never had clear understanding of ur past, I noe u feel lone at times and am glad tat u had a bunch of great frenz to keep u on the go. As for me, i sincerely am honoured that I left a mark in your footsteps, to be able to bring u joy for a moment of your life. Though as much as i wish it would continue, i understand it will not be the same as wat we perceive is different. Still i look forward to a day tat the friendship will be there again with no boundaries. How much tis past few months have meant to me is really a once in a lifetime and unexplainable in jux a few short words. Its the feelin tat is great and i treasure it. Still no matter wat it is, I am always me, the little girl next door tat will be there to listen to your words sharing your troubles and happiness if you wish to of course. :)I truely missed the times so dearly. Wishin it will continue. Comparin it with my current life, though a little different but it really made me smile. With your company, every single moment and smile is really from the bottom of my heart. Never had such good times for a long while. Only then had I really been happy. I realise that its god gift that i met u along the way in my life and I treasure tis.
idiot *
3:21 AM
0 braindead
Friday, August 05, 2005
Hurt...your words hurt me thoroughly. never have i been shoot with such harsh words. i know u meant it. never meant to hurt u. seriously. But i guess it will never be like before? i treasure the happy times. I thank you for it. Still i wish & hope it will come back soon one day. Will there ever be a second chance?
idiot *
9:34 AM
1 braindead
Thursday, August 04, 2005
everyone has a different way of expressin their concerns, different ways of doin things. I, of course is no different from the rest. I dun probe on to ask u wats wrong. cuz if u wan to tell, u will tell. I dun wan to irritate the daylights out of anyone. Is tat wrong of me to not ask? but my concern doesnt drop a single bit at all! I am still there, though i agree i might not always be available, but pls understand tat i have my own commitments tat i have to adhere to. i cant possibly be everywhere at one go? i am restricted...constrainted. I am happy when i see pple happy around me...but saddness also encompass me when there is someone sad. I noe i am not good at words, i dunno how to comfort a person well...but still i can be there juz a accompanyin u if possible. I dun understand sudden outburst. A moment happiness and the next comes saddness or anger. I wont noe wat exactly went wrong but neither am i null to the surroundings or the change of emotions. As much as i would like to noe wat happened, i dun dare to ask...i wait to be told. In the past, i tired askin but all i get is nth but crude remarks back for no particular reason, becomin the "thing" to vent anger on. It hurts u noe to read abt smth tats say do i really mean wat i say. of course i mean wat i say...but pls understand i have certain constraints. Its not always abt me only...there is always alot of pple around as well...see how one will put n see the picture.
Yes, i am hurt. Yes i am sad..by the comments tis time made. i tried to show concern but i got questioned back instead. if u were me, how would u feel? i dunno...it hurts.
i aint complainin neither am i blamin. its jux my thinkin. after today is still another day, i will still be happy..but only happier when i am somewhere else...u noe where? :)
idiot *
6:34 AM
0 braindead
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
fever. burnin the highest at 38.5 last nite. actually didnt feel tat great after the sentosa with the penguinz le...haha. went tannin again at long last!! love my colour once more! haha. though didnt do much but soak in water n tannin still i am contented cuz i tink everyone also shag le bah...dun have tat extra strength to play le. so we jux "nua" abt lox. then after went with them to orchard to past time first cuz meetin my stupid 4 only at 8pm for round 2 of clara bdae..heex. but i tink by then i was actually already having fever le bah. but i also not sure whether i is sun burn hot or fever burn. haha...anyway we went to cafe cartle at raffle shoppin mall to have our dinner. then jux slack there awhile n then they continued to have a coffee break...but i buai tong liao..so catch a cab home. but who noes cab so hard to get at tat time. we went abt tryin to hired one lox...haha. by the time home already 10 plus le. then i fast fast pack bag go slp le...but then middle of nite got up high fever le. took medicine n slp lox. today woke up still not feel good so went to see doc lox. then today really is slp like pig le lah ok?! hehe...havnt learnt finish ECM test for tml...but tml i still on MC leh..haha. but will go sch le lah...see how tml mornin lox!
idiot *
9:44 AM
0 braindead
