.happiness.saddness.anger.loneliness.bitterness.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

last nite BG party...through out the whole nite. before tat went out with wenxu to get eunice present and then clara one as well. heex...then went for work lox. mayb cuz the tot of the party happenin after work, i cant wait for the time to fly! haha..n work became happy as well...hah.by 9 plus, all the customers were sent to the second level then went the last guest left the first floor, we clear everything...haha...shifted all to the corner n set up for the nite. :) then the fun started...had like 5 glasses of baileys i tink...then totalled up the nite include 1 glass rum n abt 4-5 glass of volka bah...haha...but tis time i am not seh at all...sober all the way...many pple came worx...some dunno one...but most of the time i was up stairs with all the poly pple. then downstairs is the party go-ers...haha... but got lah...behind behind i go downstairs kana pulled by Dan to join in the dance lox. then he keep pullin me go dance everytime i stop. tired sia!!! tot they will slp early but wrong leh...through whole nite till 6 plus then they seh n slp. then i before tat already tired out le...but stayed awake lox...cuz mux clear mess....then slp lox...on kenneth hand...haha... he good lah...acc me through out to help me clear...haha. then bathe le went home with renna by cab. heex...shag sia...only slept 4 hours...did my tutorials jux now...then went to buy geoceries wif mummy saw jaz...heh heh...goin to clara house later to celebrate her bdae...

idiot * 7:05 AM 0 braindead

Thursday, July 28, 2005

sometimes things just dont go as it is planned
its all in fate i guess
but then certain things, you can say no means no
there is always a certain reason why it is still done
changes came upon n occur
someone told me not long ago,
things always everchangin, for the better or worst
no one will be able to predict
but there will always be light at the end of the tunnel
alternative or solutions always available
but then i am just so dead
i cant with hold changes. always stayin in the same square
reluctant to make a move for i love the peace n happiness at tat period
mayb sooner or later i realise n try to savage without valid
though havin to accept the changes, i still remain in my heart the hapiness
we once all had...the pure happiness with no string attached
so fun.

have so many things i have to attend to now
mainly all problems...but then i try to b happy still
only being happy now, mayb i can find my solutions
being myself n be strong.

idiot * 5:17 PM 0 braindead

my god...holidays r here at last...but like no holiday lah...everyday also mux do project de lox. lets see...friday after sch went out wif jessica they all to eat sakae buffet. then after went to wine connection lox. tat nite also damn busy sia...work from 7pm to 3 am. 4:30am then slp lox...nt day wake up by 10 at bLue ginger le. got weddin function mah. heh heh. both sat n sun the weddin function all got do...samn shiok...i love to do such functions!!! haha. each day i also injured myself. haha...saturday cut flower tat time i cut my finger...haiz...then the function not bad lah...buffet lox, nth much to serve. but leh...late end..abt 2 like tat then go back bah. slept abt 3 like tat but couldnt slp. sian...then by sunday i startin to seh seh le...cuz 2 nites no enuff slp le mah...haha. then sunday fuction ended abt 2 also lox. haha...then clearin tat time i become joke of the day again. haiz...drag the buffet trays while clearin tat time the trays "fly" lox...then i follow "fly" to it lah...then of cuz i siam lah...then give alan n dan saw the whole thing...of course laugh lah..but i also laugh...haha. now my left hand got one super big blue black...haiz.
now tis whole week is day do project nite work lox. mux find time to study as well..heh heh... tirin but i am enjoyin it...haha.

idiot * 1:13 PM 0 braindead

Friday, July 22, 2005

got back my retest results for accountin jux now before my supply chain test. pass...haha. and rather out of my expectation. (72/100), i was like expectin myself to fail again at tis retest. cuz i noe my values were wrong but then it isnt so i guess!!! haha. happy lah, but then overall also count jux pass only. rules of retest.. no choice. at least no red marks now le. then went for PSCM test lox. guess wat...again i mix up my sense of time lox..thinkin the paper ends at 6 when it was suppose to b at 6:15. haiz...then i like tinkin no time do so fast and came out abt half an hour earlier. stupid me!
cant wait for tml to come n end...firstly tat means the end of my exams and the start of my holidays. but most importantly the twO eventful days i lookin to! sat & sun BG wedding function!!! haha. so cant wait for it to come. haha. only one sad thing...my holiday no holiday like tat...all booked to do projects le...practically everyday worx!!! can only tink sunday is free now..haiz. then only left nite time to work n do my own stuffs lox. hopefully all can go well as planned n the projects got outcome bah. haiz...
life is peaceful now...but still i have yet to correct smth...but i dunno how to go abt. havnt tok for like dunno weeks le lox..not to say goin out...when did tis happen n how??? i dun understand... r we really jux like glass? no i dun believe so! n i dun wan...god, guide me... haiz

idiot * 9:57 AM 0 braindead

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

having a short break now before nt lec...haha. haiz...yesterday had "arguement" with alan. abt work related. i am sorry..i caused so much trouble le... but still i really enjoyed myself at work so much. hmmm..say a little of my past bah. Sistina used to be my "home". it gave me the shelter and warmth. but now there is no more sistina le...everyone all disperse le. but i found another "home" Blue Ginger. i dun wan to give it up! so i will work hard to maintain it. i found my warmth there n i will not let it gone jiu gone...foregoin everything. its not in my dictionary!
anyway, went over to find alan to tok it out lox. in the past, i always run away form my problems, nv ever there to sit down n face to face tok it out. i learnt my mistake tat running away from the problem is not a choice but a excuse i am findin for myself. yes, mayb at times i still run away from my problems, but i try my best to face it all. (guide me lah)
yup, now i workin for byrick once more...at wine connection. i am happy there. but one thing is i am not able to really work there durin sch days bah esp for nt term. it gonna b a short n rush term, nt term worx. got my sem. exam...6 projects...dunno how to get past it all yet. but then, i will still manage de!!! i noe i can...some problems i still cant solve...but in time i believe it will have a solution to all...happiness is all i hope for each endin :)

idiot * 5:53 AM 0 braindead

Saturday, July 16, 2005

heh heh...now is early in the mornin le...jux got home not long nia leh. today hand in uccd individual project le..hopefully i can pass bah..so scare. then after sch, went to BG to work lunch lox. heh heh...lunch ok lah..not very busy lox. then after lunch stayed at BG till 7 then go off to WiNe cOnnEctiOn to start work. gave myself an hour grace to find the place le. but in the end still late abit cuz i totally lost my way lox. i got down at the stop near boat quey but i went to walk further down to bugis lox. shld have walk into boat quey sia!!! then wont so lost le. walk n walk n walk lox. walk to bugis..then walk to city hall...then to suntec. sia lah...felt like killin myself!! haha. then at last found the bus-stop to go, i have to run for the bus...so yaya!!! the best part is, it is situated beside double O only lox...diaoz wan...not mayb can faster find le...nvm
work there is fun...very relaxin lox. best part is, it is abt wine!!! wahahaha. wine connection the setting is simple and pleasant. & once again, i can work with bYriCk!!! haha and of course the rest of my sistina x staffs!!! haha. alan came down to wine connection jux now also...heh heh...so fun. and had a glass of white lox. chardonnay if i am not wrong. then he n byrick chit chat a little. and i ended up bei 2 of them suan togther...so evil...haha. anyway worki till 2 am lox.. now shag..no strenght le...haha.

idiot * 6:39 PM 0 braindead

Friday, July 15, 2005

Is changes that great?
Just a single change to turn round the tables?
Pooft!
And what was before will never be back?

I miss the oLd times
I miss our laughters
I miss our craps
I miss everything..

Don't know what happen
Don't know what to do.
I changed, You changed
We drifted

Saw the look
The coldness
As though we were strangers
I am lost

The change is irreversible
Nothing i can do about it
Just hope a miracle to appear
But miracles are non-eXistaNce
Are they not?

idiot * 3:23 PM 0 braindead

Thursday, July 14, 2005

arh...break faster come bah....haha. i wan my SLEEP!!! heh heh...got to complete my uccd project by tonite. then tml print it out. yeah. jux came home not long. went to watch movie with alan at cineleisure. a japanese show ( dunno title ) :). then walk walk also lox. before at HMV saw eunice and fang ting...haiz. we seem so far now a days. i did smth wrong mah??? anyway at taka the puma shop i bought tis jersery racer back lox. its pink purple colour de lah...not really like the colour but then really like the jersery so i still bought in the end...heh...at least can wear for running de mah...haiz...sian...do project le.

idiot * 1:00 PM 7 braindead

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

got back accounts paper today...as expected i knew i would not make it..its true anyway. goin for retest lox. nt week goin be a little long week for me before i can do wat i wan.... got tests on tuesday till friday. haiz...one thing for sure, the failure finally woke me up from my daze mood this whole term. really felt like cryin seein tat i failed. but in a sense is also good i guess. dunno wats wrong with me le...it seems i am driftin away from so much pple or am i thinkin too much? i dunno. i only find my happiness lastin when ever i am at BG...in sch i like isolatin myself...in terms of communicating with my frenz or doin stuffs i am so stoned all the time. home no need to say lah...sometimes siao siao others jux isolate lox. the usual anyway. really need to reflect. but i wonder how. as long as i see pple happy i am fine...but seeing others unhappy, esp from my doin...i really go down the hill sia...i dunno how to cheer u up...i dunno wat i did...whatever actions i do, i dun tink without doin. but i mean no harm...dun u noe well enough?
for now, jux waitin...waitin for my term break nt week. cuz the weekends is something i really lookin forward to. something tat i consider myself to be the only thing i am better at. :) before tat, lets pray, pray for smooth sailin n pleasant week... WAKE UP WENDY!!!

heh heh...up date a little again bah. heex...jux now do uccd project then call liang zhen to ask him smth. then he say he a holland v. then michelle also there. surprised. the circle of frenx connected again...haha. there got jia jie, liang zhen, yuan qi, jun xian, michelle, wei ming and his gf lox. they all at TCC so i went down meet them. jux got back not long. now goin continus my project le..heh heh.

idiot * 1:28 PM 0 braindead

Monday, July 11, 2005

before, i was so happy...been very happy since after the bad incident after i learnt to stand up. but now it seems like bad things are comin my way again? am i goin to lose tis friendship? i dunno...but i dun wan. supposely to do my presentation script. but now i cant thing properly. again i cried since the last time. jux teared a little.
sometimes i really wonder. Am i not to be happy? everytime i believe i gain a happiness in any sort, something disruptive will come in the way. Or issiz jux my problem? i do not noe. i feel a sense of helplessness in me. i do not wan to lose wat i have received...the happy days, moments...they are all so wonderful. why does one thing changes it all...mayb i am someone who does like to move ahead. i prefer to stay in the moment where i feel is the most wonderful period. Changes has always been a bad impact on me. Now another has struck upon me. will it return back to normal? i was so happy then...so happy till like a while ago.. would u restore my happy feelin...leave the shock away as a dream? would u??

idiot * 12:41 PM 0 braindead

I am happy when i see you

Similarly i suppose,

You're happy to see me

This happiness is unconditional

It's unexchangable

Priceless.

Yes, joy was added to my life

Yes, you cheered me up

Yes, you brighten my day

Like i do to yours

Why not just let this feeling continue?

Let it stay

Lets not change it shall we?

For the outcome might not be as desire.

Certain things are happy the way it is

Changing it will not be the same

What was once there

Once lost

Can never be retrieve back.

Don't want to talk about it no more

Just the happy, simple present

Is contenting.

Lets not change it

Lets contiune this special presence in the friendship

The friendship that i truely treasure. :)

Just like certain people you meet in life

Some just click, some just don't

We click despite the differences

It's a wonderful feeling

Lets not change any bit of it.

It's a wonderful feeling :)

I want to see you smile

idiot * 9:26 AM 0 braindead

Sunday, July 10, 2005

lets see...now is 3 plus comin to 4 in the morning le...huh rite now in Blue Ginger office lox. jux manage to edit my tourism project but dunno can mah...sent to yi wen le. haiz...shag sia. actually wanted to do my uccd project now also the leh...dun wan to slp but cannot open the thumb drive...haiz. no choice tml go home n do lox. now is to wait for howie, dan and renna to come back so i can open the door for them then i get some rest bah...not tml still got to work lunch leh...
today FMA paper in mornin lox. dun say abt it le...dun even noe will pass or not leh...haiz. not bo pian muz retest le lox. then after went with yi wen n quant to tampines to eat before goin to yi wen house to do project. but do project not very productive bah. i stomach upset keep goin toilet. then after a while yi wen also say stop le. nth to do so i met up with alan early le lox. followed by dan, howie and renna lox.
today runnin between bugis and orchard. haha...when orchard play pool and eat. then go bugis watch movie: Fantasic 4. ok lah the show. heh heh...then after show when back to orchard again...go to the pub there to chill. didnt do much jux kept eatin peanuts. then after 1 plus me and alan first come back le. he stomach not good. now sleepin. me? do wat i can for project le. now wait for the rest to b back lox. :) enjoyed myself today...haha.

idiot * 6:55 PM 0 braindead

Saturday, July 09, 2005

heh heh...supposely to be studyin for tml FMA test de leh...but still end up enjoyin a little le lox...haha. after sch went down to BG. then i studied at the third floor lox...till lunch over. till now still left one and 1/2 chapters to complete lox. heex. me studied till abt 2 plus comin 3 then me n alan go to buigs walk walk lox. cuz...heh heh i wan to buy bag...heex. went down to bugis street to see, but no see anything nice there...nv fancied those bags over there much anyway...haha. tryin to search for miracle. actually wanted to buy the klumper bag wan (dunno spell correct mah) but then its like so x..so in the end, ended up buyin a adidas bag...haha. walk walk then time nearly got collision case again sia!!! for the second time, i almost walk rite into the mirror!!! jux like i walk to ramp the glass window...haiz. foolish me. :)
hmmm....saw a jeans i liked. at samuel n kelvin there. at last manage to find the jean i lookin for le. heex...baggy jeans lox! haha. but didnt buy leh...though nice n like but buy a bag is enough to kill me le...if i go buy the jeans as well, want to save back very hard. been shoppin like hell lox. account droppin like shit le. so must control. have to plan for my future now. parents cant support me forever de....

oh yah...today wenXu bdae worx...haha.
birThdaY sOng for mY beSt Bud...heh heh:

HappiE birTheDay to U!!!
haPpiE biRthDay tO u~~~
hAppIe BirThdAe, happIe bIrThdAy...
HaPpY bIrThdAE tO yA, xUxU~~~!!!

mUacKx!!! best wishes for u on tis special day of urs worx!!! hehe...

idiot * 10:01 AM 0 braindead

Friday, July 08, 2005

heh heh...today HRM test worx... dun really noe wat i wrote was rubbish or issiz correct leh...but i guess so bah..haha. very yaya loz. sat wrong place le...in lec hall mah. then sat at the end of the row. very very near the bags. only didnt expect the phones...all the HPs!!!! they kept vibratin n vibratin lox!!! so many of it...dunno whose also...diaoz wan.. then do paper till pek chek!! haha. hopefuly will pass bah. still got one more paper tis week. sat got financial account. tat wan i more scare! hopefull will pass sia. haha.

idiot * 1:35 PM 0 braindead

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

last nite do my work till halfway then dunno y suddenly gastric le...but bared the pain n contiuned to do my project lox...but cannot stand it sia...very pain so went to take my gastric medicine lox. eh...mayb cuz i no eat anythin before takin the medicine., but anyway it got more painful..so painful i cant tahan le...so decided to call it a nite to go n rest le lox. tis type of gastric pain not first time also...only very long no experience le...haiz.
bad thing was dunno how come today whole day i still gastric pain lox. damn sian wan. pain no pain....dun eat pain, eat also pain. felt like killin myself. then now somebody ignorin me...if u read u will noe u who rite. i now cuz of my gastric rite? not i no eat. i got eat...a little lox. cuz not hungry mah. haiz. damn shag...but didnt really slept durin lessons leh... only ECM lect...as usual mah...haha. later mux start to revise le...not comin test i no need make it le. haiz...

I am not smart
I cant take things for granted
I have to strive for what i want
But i am happy :)

idiot * 8:49 AM 0 braindead

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

shit...havnt got the time to even go n do my revision for my comin test tis week. n i ZERO on the subjects still!!! shucks!!! now is pia pia pia projects only...at first dunno how to start my UCCD project de...then now is like do halfway le...but i tink i goin to exceed the no. of pages needed worx...haiz...die arh!!! then wait dunno how i goin to edit again le...hmmm. but now goin to do my tourism project report le lox. dun tink tonite will slp le bah...even if got also a few hours only le...hopefully will be productive lox. then by sat can complete bah...not how lehx..haiz.

Oh Father!!! please guide me along the way. Father i pray that i will be able to get the all the things right for now. For this instance. For this once! Ahem.

having a headache le...been starin at the PC for like 6 hours le? huh...dyin dyin dyin!!! arGh!!! but really wish to get everything done? am i rushin n pushin too hard? dun tink so bah. even if it is, it would be my punishment for being so slack tis whole term le. hmmm... tis week faster come to an end bah...i really need real rest le...dun wan to breakdown again...so shag. haiz... but still i am happy...for a certain reason...haha. if a certain penguin understand then ok le lox. haha. waitin..waitin for the weekend to come...waitin for my term break to come so i can do wat i love to do most!!! wahaha...i truly am mad. aint i?! God Bless!!

havnt tok to eunice for awhile le...i am sorry eunice. i feel smth happened? but i am so bad i nv showed u concern. but i give u my moral support though i cant be with u. be strong n happy yah? miss yah!!!

idiot * 1:06 PM 0 braindead

Monday, July 04, 2005

I am not a Perfect person
I was not born Perfect
But at least i am still alright
That's what i feel

Somehow
I always never fail to do something wrong
As usual,
I always dont know what i did wrong

Would you kindly tell me?
Tell me what i did wrong
Dont just show me the cold shoulders
Cuz i will never know what i did wrong!!!

I am a stupid person
I admit i am truely
Truely stupid
Truely slow
As what others always say

So is it true?
It hurts to hear
Even if it doesnt show
Cause i aint such a strong girl

Through and through so many things
I thought i would have been stronger
But i was wrong
I feel weaker

I am afraid
Afraid to try anything else
I am scared
Scared to take my first step

I see things which i wish to have
I yearn for somethings
But i never want to try
Cause everytime i do
I get hurt
I hurt others

Why is this so?
Why am i so easily moved
Why am i so easily influenced
Why am i such a fool

Giving chances
Letting them go
Chasing after it
Regretting

Is that all i can do?

idiot * 2:26 PM 0 braindead

hmmm havnt study leh...then nt week test le...i mux be outta my mind...haha. friday got out enjoy hardly did any work..then yesterday sentosa..come home also half dead. today..till now i havnt touch my book. cuz mornin go church then rush off to work ( just on time only lox..sit cab some more ). then lunch not busy is not busy lah...but got alot customers loxz. heex. got tour grp come..then after got quite a few walk in-s. heex...then is work till like 3 plus then at last they go worx. haha...so hungry after...faster ate le..then go home liao. cuz come come only mux do house work...vacuum floor n mop floor...then bath my doggy...heex. now online awhile till dinner time bah...after dinner study le...haiz. how i wish the holidays faster come...then i can fully work again..heex..so broke now. haix.

idiot * 9:08 AM 0 braindead

Sunday, July 03, 2005

wahahaha!!! TANNED again!!! yipee...haha. jux spent nearly a whole day at my favourite place again le...haha. n of course tat would b sentosa!!! went with my 03 class lox. got jessica, her bf, pei jun, her bf, bi xia, her bf, jane. yi wen, pei hua and yvonne. LOL...so fun...played alot volleyball...then play frisbee and abit basketball with vball lox. cuz i cant go down water so when they all go water left me alone mah..so i go play bball lox. then is like sweat so much!!! my favourite!! haha...sweat sweat.heex. then after when down to BG to do smth. but cuz alan sleepin i no wake him up lox...do finish go le...then he wan to strangle me now...wahaha...

hmmm....

My life,
Why do i exist
Sometimes it really set me thinkin...
Why am i here?

sometimes i hate myself
sometimes i love myself
sometimes i wish to jus disappear

sometimes i jux want to b there for the special someone
sometimes i wonder who will that b
sometimes i feel like i am goin mad...

The things i do
Always turn out wrong
Always the wrong decision
When will i ever wake up
And make the right choices!

I wonder
Have i grown up
Am i a changed person now?
Sometimes i feel it, others i dont
Is it good or bad?

haiz...dunno WTF i writing... mood swings returnin anyway... my life sux. who will turn me around?

idiot * 12:06 PM 0 braindead

Saturday, July 02, 2005

jux got home n bathed out not long only...heex. jux now after sch went main library do project lox...with yi wen. heex...then do till 3 plus she say dun wan do le...she tired...so we went lox. i go meet alan. went to bugis to watch War of the World lox...story alrite lah...but only the endin abit the yaya lox. before the movie started still got like one hour like tat...so we walk walk lox. something very stupid happen lox. huh...at the second level, cuz ground level got the food festival...then i wan to see...i totally forgot that we r in the shoopin mall...all windows though opened, have the glass panels there lox...i ramped rite into it lah!!! ji pai seh lox...it was so damn loud..the manicure shop the lady shocked n keep lookin at me..then other passerby who heard also turn to see...then alan tokin on the phone also shocked but after keep teasin abt it le lox....huh!!!! the first time i became so stupid!!! aRgH!!!!! huh...forget it sia...
then after the movie, wanted eat sushi...but long queue..so in the end walk the food festival. bought mua ji to eat lox. then alan go bugis street the food village eat. then we walk walk the village lox. cuz i no money le...after bought toe ring. then walk to the shop saw t shirt, buy...then go sunglass shop to see the orange sunglass also end up buyin...arh... heex...after rest awhile then we go home le lox.
heex...tml goin sentosa again le...so happy...heex

idiot * 2:03 PM 0 braindead

Friday, July 01, 2005

heh heh....jux got home from runnin...so sian...anywaes so long no go running le mah...so since today home early so go runnin lox...on the way back saw in the middle of the road a dead squirrel...so poor thing sia...the body is totally squashed inside out lox...haiz...
last nite had a dream...dunno shld have bad dream or normal leh...i dreamt mama found out tat i have been workin all along even since sch started...but i cant really remember wat happen after...haiz. though i feel bad but i still wan to continue my work...papa n mama dun allow me to work durin school days de...only holidays...but like tat i dun wan lox...so i work behind their back..sorry...
so today in sch also dunno y seh seh de lah...not on the high side much. mayb cuz of last nite mood brought forward lox. but at last mayb my miracle came..haha. i received a very special smth tat i nv expected i would received. though is nth much...barely a cost of $0.05, it warmed up my heart...makin me seemin to be on cloud n0.9 ...haha. i would not say much...neither think much...jux be contented with my present life...leaving the rest to fate to decide.
oh yah...really thanks jeff alot sia...jeff is my new classmate in my tourism class. he very helpful de...u need help, he certainly will help if can. thanks for helpin me in my UCCD project. heex.

idiot * 9:42 AM 0 braindead