.happiness.saddness.anger.loneliness.bitterness.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Life,
Jux a daily things we have to go through each day.
No matter wat,
Be it happy, stressful, sad or tiring
We still live through it.

But still, there one part,
One part tat you cant live as though there is nothing wrong.
The pain, sometimes the loneliness
Mostly the emptiness you'll feel.
Why is this so?
Why cant it be remove?
How i wish to wake up and be relief from these feelings.

As happy as i can be,
Not bothering by the past events anymore,
New worries, new troubles always comes by.
I realise, u have grown a place in me
Though that will never be the case.
Cause we'll be what we're for now & ever i suppose.

Sometimes i think.
If none of the past event had taken place,
Had we not done what we had done,
Would we be better than now?
I ponder.

Even though we're just friends,
Your each emotional changes,
I feel. i share.
But there is nothing i can do
Not even to be there for you.

You.
You dun see my existence.
I am nothing.
Just a nobody,
Just someone you say "hi" & "bye".

If that's my life,
Then so be it.
If it is fated,
Then so be it.
No point trying to head to a deadend,
Finally only hurting myself more.

Lets just be me.
The little old me.
What's it like?
I forgotten.

idiot * 3:01 PM 0 braindead

huh...everyday sch sch sch...project projects project n homeworks...no life de sia...no enjoyment...but no choice leh...sian but my fate...haha. contented ok le bah...heex. everyone also like tat de mah..bu shi mah>?? heex.
mornin go to station meet jessica they all tat time, walkin pass the walk way saw him. actually is no see de...but he wave up then i saw de...though abit dai, but i no put much tot abt it le...wat past is past...heex... after sch as usual do project lox...supply chain...jux some changes and additonal information not added in lox. surprisingly we didnt spent alot of time on it. so early done with it le...abt 1 plus only lox. so i decided go down BG since so long no go down le mah...meet alan go out lunch lox. we went to chinatown there lox. he say there got nice chicken rice so go eat lox. heex...not bad lah...very long no eat chicken rice le...haha. then we jux walk walk around the area lox. then went to maxwell market center to have dessert then go back BG lox. nth much lah..haha...then i help clean up all the cultery before i go back lox.
on the bus abit the yaya sia...i very tired then slp on bus lox...i deep slp then dunno got pple sit beside me...then i somemore keep fallin towards the side of the man unknowingly lox. kaoz...damn paiseh when i realise sia...cuz all the time i sleepin...then i dunno..shit lox. at last i tink is like i bump down then wake up then noe de lox....kaoz....no face sia...then after dun dare slp le...huh....

idiot * 2:04 PM 0 braindead

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

panda eyes gettin deep le....sleepin later n later...haha....n i am enjoyin it.. like real sia...haha.... now is project projects n homeworks...then test.. i hate tests.!!! nt week the financial accountin also dunno how i wan to make it sia....hopefully can pass lox...like tat i happy enough le sia... dunno how to do UCCD leh...how to produce the 6 page report...still not started...haiz... jia you bah wendy...heex.
these few days sian leh....hopefully tis sat can go sentosa again...haha... with my previous class lox. heex...not most prob go with jennifer bah...she become my sentosa kaki le...wahaha.. then me now no work le...i only workin sunday lunch tis week...so pathetic...but no choice leh...test mah...i promise myself tat work is work...but study still is first priority over everythin..heex... so mux jia you for test first...heex. jux now went with eunice to bugis to walk walk...then at the sungalss shop i saw tis orange sunglass...so nice!!! i wan to buy...haiz... but i already buy le leh...haiz. cannot buy le. heex....mayb will...haha. see how. see pay bah...haha. i really becomin orange freak sia...orange shorts...orange bikini...see orange i will light up...haha... so in love with the colour!!! then we walk walk walk...then eunice tot of makin her brows...but she dun tink the service there good..in the end, end up is i do...wahaha...not bad lah....but must draw lox...but nvm...i been drawin all the time wat...haha .. borin...dunno wat to write le...heex

idiot * 3:19 PM 0 braindead

Monday, June 27, 2005

ah...a fews days no blog le horx...haha. hmm...lets see... last fews days busy worx...keep rushin for project...especially cross-cultural project cuz need to go to the religios places to do research on their religion n cultural. then me n yi wen decided to do on buddhism and hinduism lox. went to bugis there the temple cuz they side by side only. but first time go, the hindu temple say person-in-charge not around...ask us nt day come back. then go temple also no one attend to us. only got a man that follow the Way was able to help us a little lox. then we went inside temple talk to pple at counter for some info also. then yesterday mornin also went back there early in the mornin. the hindu temple person still not there lox. but got indian weddin then we took pic with the couples as well...haha. then go meet jessica they all to do the nt project..supply chain. went to marina center the FC to do. then do finish went to arcade a while. then go to BG le. got trainin class before work lox. heex...then work very sian lah...no customer wan,,,not busy. then nite time stayed lox...cuz got steamboat...haha....ate alot of lala n mushroom!!! heex...then manage to pull kenneth to stay as well...cuz kah lun got come down also. heex. then we eat lox...then relax le....had abit of red wine, n a glass of volka lime. no drunk worx...n nv le...cuz i promise. heex....then after abt 1 plus me jean kenneth n kah kun take cab g home first le...today no go church cuz last few days not enuff slp...very tired.

idiot * 2:59 AM 0 braindead

Thursday, June 23, 2005

huh...projects all comin to deadline le...n we r not even done or better still, started at any of it....hai yo... nt week tourism project deadline le...today jux started but then not enough also...haiz. so later mux try do again le. jux now stayed back to do but not much valid lah. heex...then met alan to go bugis. bought clothin again. one black one white t shirt!!!! HAHA...
huh...work today damn relax loxz....not much thing to do though got quite a few customers lah...haha...then same lox...left early. very sian lah....nth to write le...

i am who i am,
i live by wat i am for.
when i fall, i stand up once more.
no matter how painful it is,
always believe tat it will be better later.
once u stand up,
u'll be a stronger person after.

idiot * 2:52 PM 0 braindead

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

huh...now having report writing class....jux present finish our...i mumble throuhout sia...cuz i scare again...haiz...y always like tat wan leh? dot dot dot...better practice more lox...huh. my hands all cold le...haha.
yesterday wanted go library do my tourism project research de....also meetin alan at orchard library to help him research de. but before tat suddenly mux prepare for today report writing presentation. so stay back lox...till 3 plus then i leave hui yun n jessica to do le cuz not completed but alan have been out waitin for me for long time le. so haiz...feel so bad sia. sorry hui yun n jessica. at the library i also cant find my book for tourism project. only manage to find one book. then i start help alan find his materials lox. all on hospitality n food & beverage management de...haha...so related to my course lox. heex...then after went to eat then go home le lox.

idiot * 12:52 AM 0 braindead

Monday, June 20, 2005

heex...today so fun...fun under the sun!!! before tat say yesterday bah...sian wan...work lunch tat time i clear plate drop then the soya sauce make on to customer clothin. good thing they say nvm...hai. dunno y tis few days work like seh seh wan...make so much mistake...then after lunch went tiong bahru with alan watch Mr & Mrs Smith...nice sia...so funny!! heex. then go back alan let me work on third floor function. then 9 plus i leave le.
today mornin woke up go church lox...went for the first service at 8:30. then after at 10:30 end i leave le lox. heex. cuz meet alan, renna, dan, howie & jean go sentosa. geez...alan no say meet time...then he set 11am...dotz wan...then i piah liao lox. sit train...then realise me n jean sittin same train. haha...we got down at commonwealth n sit taxi down le. we were late lah...haha. but anyway today sun damn good sia...haha. whole day sunny sunny!!!! heng got go still in the end. heez...we didnt do much there lah. jux swim, tanned, volleyball lox. heex...mostly i keep swimmin to the rock alone loz. play till lost track of time sia. then fast fast bathe n go le...rush home then go out le lox. go with family to crystal jade eat la mian xiao long bao!!! yuMMy...cuz today fathers' day!!! HAPPY PAPA DAY, DADDY!!!!heex.

idiot * 11:47 AM 0 braindead

Saturday, June 18, 2005

hmmm...today short day in school only...heex...noon end sch le so as usual went to work lah.. haha...ok lah...lunch also not busy so borin lox. then nora ask if i can work dinner to cover sally. so in the end i ended up workin for the function on the third storey lox. heex. lunch break tat time eat le, me n alan went to bugis street shop shop cuz i wan buy t shirt. heex...suddenly got t shirt craze le..white colour wan. haha...but in the end i only manage get two shirt. one white one black wan...actually wanted one black with jao words de...but too small...then another shop saw another one...but too x...haiz. nvm...nt time go n buy again...haha....havnt buy enough lox...ai yah!!! spent spent spent again le....huh.... then alan bought for me a hand accessory lox...nice leh...i like...haha.
hmm...dinner function was a 30 pax german pple. then at first still alrite lah...the starter went well...then serve the soup tat time, i was abt to serve the soup then he suddenly raised his hands n hit my hand...dotx lox...so i spilled the soup over the nt customer lah...hot lox...he immediately stood up n the chair fell back...i half balance 4 other soups in a tray n half managed the half spilled soup on the other...i also kana the soup...haiz ...sian wan lox...then of course faster i walked away n shi kai they all helped me cleaned up...after tat i no really serve anything le...n also dun there go near tat table...only serve the other 2 tables. haiz...but over all ok lox...after work, had my dinner then come home le...hmmm....now eatin apples...heex...mayb later do tutorials bah....

idiot * 1:35 PM 0 braindead

Thursday, June 16, 2005

hmm....today boring day lox...in school lah...haha. mornin rainin then mux walk long route from mrt station...sian wan lox. haiz. then go lesson nv brin jacket, down there shivering like hell...so idiot of me sia. huh!!! haha. after sch went down to work le lox. 12.30 like tat reach n start. heex. not busy at all lah...worked second floor lox...with nyoman. servin only two tables...hmmm.... borin!!! heng short hour only...not i will bored to death sia. haha. then after went out with alan to the amara hotel there to have lunch lox....then laze around at tanjong. i ask alan brin me back to the chinatown shop to get a present. a present which i have settle my eyes on the first time i saw it a few weeks ago. good thing still got...the one n only left le. wanted to get for myself also de...but then leh...last one le. heex...hopes he will like it lox. its his bdae tml le.. i sing u bdae song here ok?

happy birthday to u, happy birthday to u~~~
happy birthday, happy birthday~~~
happy birthday t0 U!!!
happy birthday day, lousY pOk... :)

hmm....now tat i have awaken from the past few weeks, i have much clearer tots n views le. i noe the decisions r clearly made n stated by me. my ignorance n stubborness cuz part of my regrets n saddness. but still i have to live with it isnt it? wait? i guess so...some how mayb it has become like the past of wat i had done so before. i am not sure myself....i dun wan to tink abt it...but sometimes i still do so. but, mayb waitin is wat i am best at after makin wrong choices to see if there is turnin back...no confirmation but at least a hope, a light. :)

idiot * 12:41 PM 4 braindead

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

now having report writing lesson but damn sian lah....dun like tis subject...always wan to slp de lox...but nvm...endin soon anyway then break le...haha.
yesterday after lesson went down to blue ginger to give alan a letter...i told him of wat had happened to me tis few weeks. surprisingly, for once i was able to say out everything, n i really felt so much more relax n happier than all the past few weeks. heex...felt happier now n i promise not to hurt myself n also to stay happy n b back to my old self. really wan to become my old self soon again. cuz realise tat pple also notice the change in me le...not happy, always sad. then i also wan control my temper. been short temper tis few days. sorry if i burst off...sorry.
believe in yourself n nth is impossible!!! i noe i can do it n i shall!!! tats the wendy i am suppose to b. to always smile n laugh my troubles away, knowin i have pple who care all around me :)
if u ever read tis, thank u justin. really appreciated ur care n conern for me tis few days. god bless u on ur case. u'll b fine too!!

idiot * 12:50 AM 0 braindead

Monday, June 13, 2005

hmm....friday went to work..then wanted to go home but alan say go out walk walk awhile...with jean, sally, SL, howie, Dan, renna and alan lox...they go to the nearby pub...jux sit there play drink, sing, play pool....i no drink. jux drank sprite lox. then very bored...so started playin with the game machine. play the photo hunt lox...then dan, jean, everyone also come help n play with me...not bad lox...played all the way until closin time then take taxi home. wah seh...the taxi uncle very funny lox...keep askin us wat route we wan...then keep tokin n tokin to us...we also no one to answer him de...haiz. then yesterday mornin went to sentosa with jennifer. heex...very fun...got tanned le. then went home bathe then go work le lox. yesterday also Cheah weddin day. work was slow yet busy lox. then after go out lox. wanted go double o but cant enter cause of age limit...in the end went to momo...first time...jux felt like laughin went i went in...so jux sit there lox. they go dance but i dunno so sit n drink n look after things. then tian fu play guessin game with me...i first time play so i lost all the way lox...diaoz. then before also got drink le.. then alan they all ask me dance. i stand there then went back no dance...then go back again got dance a little lox. but i dunno how to dance also. haha. went back to BG abt 3 plus bah. seh seh le lox. haiz. i became nuisance to them. i am so sorry...i dunno wat i doin. justin came to find me...but i already seh le....i noe i cried. cried n cried for a long time. cried all my pain i been holdin back out. haiz. today hangover lox. i noe i noe....whoever who read also will piss off with me le...but i dun like myself now as well...haiz.

idiot * 10:50 AM 0 braindead

Friday, June 10, 2005

oPpS...like fallin abit more sick after feelin better the pass few days leh...better drink more water le...sore throat abit more worse le...haiz. today lesson so lan lan wan...go attend one hour lec then break 4 hours lox...then last lec at 3. huh...the 4 hour break actually wan to do some project stuffs de...but hui yun so evil..tempt me with food...cuz i hungry then also gave up tryin to do le...arGh!!! so we went to IMM lox. then had KFC n Pizzahut for lunch..full sia! we walk the whole centre..then keep enterin BaLenO..haha...enter go try pants n clothin then come out...go eat then go back again...keep tryin...till the sales person ask..."eh, u back again le arh?" haha...so paiseh. so in the end i bought a brown kakhi pant n hui yun a black one. then also 2 spag. tops lox...haiz...spent like hell again. breakin big hole in my pocket arh!!! ai yo...mux exercise self control le...haha. nv when to tink anythin else today...cuz promise myself to pick myself up n i will do so! :) jia You worx...anyway nearly late for lesson...i wan take bus back..hui yun wan take shuttle bus. in the end no time loz. so shuttle bus reach jurong east then we hire cab to go back SB...good thing jux in time. then come home nth to do, so i went joggin lox. joggin in the rain...haha...

idiot * 9:45 AM 0 braindead

yesterday in sch was still abit alrite lah...but still wasnt tat happy. after classes dunno to go where also...jux didnt wan to go home but also dunno how to acc me. so tried findin at last got wenxu to acc me. but he made me waited for more tat half an hour at dover mrt station...dot dot dot. in between tis time, hui yun acc me awhile n we chatted lox. at first alrite, then after i got more depress as i tok..haiz. she left le, i stand there starin at the traffic flow n slowly almost cried. saw eunice n fang ting. they go little india walk walk...i nv go...sad...then they left n came quant ruu, yi wen n pei jun. guess they were able to saw my expression...they waited with me till wenxu came lox. then they left for orchard n we went to jurong point. waitin for the train guessed i couldnt hold back tat much le...me nearly cried in public...good thing on eyes wet wet...haiz. didnt tok to wenxu at all...at first. then reach JP we walk walk walk into almost every shop...slowly he tried to cheer me up lox. n i did felt better lah. :) thank you wenxu!! then i started to buy things also...after JP went to orchard..but only awhile cuz come home to watch my show...hmm....though i feel emotional at times, i will stand up de...i will n have to b strong n independent!!! jia you bah. thank u wenxu n hui yun :)

idiot * 12:07 AM 0 braindead

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

had a good tok with alan last nite. i actually dun wan work friday nite de...but he msg asked if i can...so since i was the one who put to work fri in schedule book in first place, i say ok le lox. dun wan trouble others lox. then dun wan say but anyway we kinda got heated in the messages n i showed my attitude problem again. made alan angry then i broke down again cryin. alan ask me dun cry...of course i also have to stop cryin cuz mama they all still not slp mah. then after awhile alan called me. he chatted with me. he was not happy cuz of my silliness to hurt myself...i noe everyone who saw the cut also scoldin me dumb n shldnt have done tat...i am sorry... i apologise. anyway now we r alrite le...i felt better at least. but the problem now is i dunno y jia jie is ignorin me le...he said to me dun let him see me or he will scold me. i dunno wat u r referin to...if u read my blog, please tell me? i guessin all the possibility but i dunno which is rite...issiz cuz i hurt yuan qi? issiz cuz i changed? issiz of my cut? i dunno...i dun wan to lose tis fren cuz to me jia jie is so like a big brother to me at times....n great buddy at other times...i do hope u read tis....
everyone is fallin sick le...the flu tingy...yuan qi also fell sick...didnt went to sch yesterday... mux take good care of urself ya? dun stay up too late n rest more, drink more water also...remember to take ur medication as well...haiz...in no position to tell u all tis now anyway... i myself also not doin any good wat...eat dun eat...eat only eat all the food i not suppose to eat...dot dot dot wan...haiz....

idiot * 9:25 AM 1 braindead

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

hmmm....tonite also not eatin dinner...lets see...since last week till now i tink also dunno how many meal i actually had only...haha..no appetite to eat at all...today woke up feelin damn down...kept on tinkin wat issiz...mayb i got my answer..but i dunno if it is rite... but then nth will ever change, y the attitude change to so cold??? i dun understand...n i dun like it at all...
but wat can i do? i all started with me rite? i caused all the troubles one...so i will have to find my solution by myself...my heart pains...i miss someone...but i cant let myself tell him...i dunno if i am regretin? but i noe its not rite for me to go back...i done so much sin...i cant forgive myself...haiz... i am losin everyone all of a sudden? i deserve it anyway rite? it feels tat the way he treat me now is also so cold le or am i over sensitive? but i dun feel so...through our sms, conversation everythin....sometimes i wish u were here...wish to go over n find u..but i dare not... haiz

4064770968...288040226803674483069735308602225094840968...

idiot * 9:28 AM 0 braindead

Monday, June 06, 2005

didnt go home last nite again..came home only tis mornin...i dunno wats my problem...at first didnt wan to come home...but in the end i wanted...but i missed the last bus lox...so idiot.. the nite was so slow....workin on the second floor with kah lun n howie...but very little table lox..then kah lun off early left me n howie...then cuz left one table went to first floor to work...but also sian half wan. after work no appetite to eat. they eat i go outside went to buy bun to eat. camt back then they all drinkin n smokin le...mayb cuz i nose to blocked i cant even sniff the smell of the smoke n was able to tahan...spent nearly the whole nite tokin to Cat. she also christian...from city harvest...she prayed for me...preached to me...then renna, dan, howie n alan there smoked n tok lox. i was feelin down...workin doesnt seemed as much fun as before le...alan no longer teases me at work..we stopped tokin...both days i worked we no communication wan... i dunno wat happened between our friendship...dan tried explainin to me...but said i was to young to understand..i noe alan has lots of problems..both work n personal...tat i will nv understand... but how i wish the friendship i found at tis new work place would last...with everyone... i am happy there...mayb cuz everyone there is nice n friendly...they r willin to help n lend a helpin hand as well...haiz...dunno... not feelin tat great anyway...

Father, if u will ever listen to my prayers, please guide n look after everyone? lift us to the light we have to see to find our way once again? Father, i pray to u to lessen alan load, guidin his path n findin his happiness. Father, i hope yuan qi is alright n he is going on well & fine.

idiot * 11:31 AM 1 braindead

Sunday, June 05, 2005

hmmm...juz woke up not long only...cuz last nite no come home. after sch, met howie along the way n went to work lox...was workin lunch n dinner. only tink was yesterday alan mood swing sia...face damn black...no one really dares to tok to him. haha. then some more lunch full...haiz..but still alrite lah..but mayb cuz i not feelin well so nv eat lunch, no appetite. then go kitchen tat time i saw a cockroach. so i tell the chef loz. i tot he will throw it away. dead one...but he picked it up n throw it at me lox!! damn it!! i scared n screamed...n rushed out...go to second storey..cheah came up..i cried. then the chef came up say sorry but i foul mood le. no tok to him. after followed howie, nora, haikru n nyoman to suntec walk walk then come back work dinner. dinner also full n i down on luck. broke wine glass..spilled beer on customer shoe, have to bent down n clean it for him, open wine cut my hand with wine opener...haiz...wats my problem. mayb mostly i fear alan mood bah. dun wan get scoldin..haha. i work second storey..got a small group on ang mohs..bought alot their own wine..sat from 7 plus to 11 plus then went...sian lox...so like sistina..haha. then in the end kenneth(workin together) have to wait for me and we sat cab down to cineleisure to meet rui they all lox. cuz it ban chuan bdae today...haha. happy birthday. we went play pool n waited for kendy to come with the cake...haha. then played till 4 plus lox. they go see movie. i dun wan. so i left lox..cant go home cuz house locked. in the end went down to BG cuz alan, dan, howie, renna n a few went clubbin then go back BG. so i slept there till 7 plus go home.

idiot * 7:39 AM 0 braindead

Friday, June 03, 2005

heex...jux got home only...went with eunice n fu ming to bugis jux now to shop shop...wenxu joined us at bugis also...so the 4 us went walk walk lox...actually my main aim is to buy t shirts only leh...but....nv buy at all...instead we bought a bikini...n a jacket lox....dot dot dot...haha.. ai ya..big spenders...haha...i buy till shiok...so long no shoppin le...heex. went to coffee bean also...cuz ivan today workin there, then he said kendy will b comin down also. heex...saw kendy lox...then we tok tok...but awhile only cuz ivan break le...then they went off. i joined back eunice they all lox. but we also went home after tat le...me now sick le...haha. got fever...didnt feel so good jux now also. heex. tml can work...haha. actually suppose to end at noon one tml...but teacher today announced tat tml last lesson cancelled!!! haha so i end at 10. only come for one lec lox...heex. so can work lunch n dinner le...haha. will b meetin howie along the way cuz he live boon lay there then is on the way mah. heex.

idiot * 12:45 PM 1 braindead

Thursday, June 02, 2005

hmmm...go sch like no sch today....lec for one hour then go tutorial within half hour out le...haiz... ended at 10:30 like tat...dunno wat to do...so msg alan...he ask me go work then go watch movie...since nth to do so i say pk lox...worked lunch then after work we went to tiong bahru to watch madagasar lox...the show not bad lah...funny loxz....haha... but in between eunice msg me...then i half way movie mood down again...but cant show...haiz... then after movie alan go meet reena at bugis lox...i went home...today nv eat dinner again le....no appetite...haiz.
at the mrt station tat time alan got ask me one qn. he notice the cut n ask wat happen...he noes i cut myself cuz i say accident lox..but i noe he dun believe...but hack lah...hai ya...dun care le... i am the devil here...i need no one sympathy...do i...cuz i deserve it wat...haiz....no comment... everyone shld jux hate me rite??? i am the cause...idiot......

idiot * 11:54 AM 0 braindead

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

i am breakin down le...for the first time in my life i feel so down...wakin up wantin to cry everyday...i seemed so lost in space le...after yesterdAy...have been feelin very very down constantly....was msgin then i feel even worse...ur persistently n love made me feel so vunerable...but i cant understand myself...y am i bein so selfish? been tosin in bed for an hour plus...tinkin, cryin...dunno wat made me did it but i did it...i tried hurtin myself with pen knife...its painful....but the painful elsewhere is more painful tat i dun even mind the one on my hand... i am lost...no one to sve me but myself...i let no one save...y am i so selfish??? i dunno wat the heck i been doin...i wan to change for the better...but it seemed i am fallin all the way down...not standin up....i want to stand up...how????

idiot * 11:16 PM 0 braindead

wat the f**k am i doin lox??!! i hate myself now...so so so much...fallin into depression mood so often thinkin of it. i dunno wat to do..really... who can save me? i wan to find the best way without hurtin u...but i dunno how... its not like there is anythin wrong with you..but its my problem. wat someone once told me has been recurin in my mind so often now...i am too playful too wild, i dun control myself n jux dun bother but give all the way to enjoy n do wat i wan. i show attitude if anyone stop me from doin wat i wan. but tats not the point...i dunno wat i wan in life anymore. i am living in my own dark world again from time to time..only gald to have pple around me to keep me from fallin back. i tot goin back to sch n not workin much would make a difference but it seemed worse...i tink n tink n tink every lec. dun even noe wat the lessons r abt. feelings no change but i am refrainin myself...i mux b gettin psycho...i ask for advice... i feel like i am living in hell right now...really really wan to break down...really really wan to cry. i feel frightened...frightened to go n msg or call or do anythin...force myself not to tink of it. i dun wan to brin it up tat nite, i dunno if i will regret like wat jennifer say...but i tot mayb its better tis way. i noe i am a damn selfish bitch...i do as i like without considerin others...but i also feel miserable...i dunno how to tell others... always actin like nth happened...how strong can i get? i cant face him for now...i dun have tat face to see u...i see other pple...y r they so lovin? y am i such a idiotic bloody person???!!! argh!!!!!!!!!

father, if u ever hear my prayers, y do u not show me the light? i feel so lost...

idiot * 9:29 AM 0 braindead